why procrastinate alone?
the best part about blogging is that no one actually knows if youre naked or not
listen, i don’t know about you, but the only people I know who actually enjoy the smell of axe body spray are not women. it’s dudes. it’s all dudes. i have worn axe body spray and walked into a room and have been complimented by legions of dudes. axe body spray is an agent of the gay agenda to make men smell better for other men to unlock their latent homosexuality and there is no stopping them now, we’re in too deep and it’s far too late.
Jacob dont you wear axe? Do you need to tell me something
hearing teachers swear keeps me young
How the hell are you supposed to know how much coffee is left if the cup isn’t see through ???
So I accidentally said, “my crotch has a hole in it.” Instead of “my pants have a hole in them.” And this guy looked me dead in the eyes and whispered
"It’s called a vagina."
don’t date anyone who doesn’t think hawkeye is a valuable member of the avengers
When you accidentally type “hood” instead of “good”
my mom told me to put the dog to bed but didn’t specify which bed
i think its funny how there are some actors who played a role for so long that its almost impossible for me to see them as anything else
and then there are some actors who’ve done so many roles i dont even see them as actors anymore it’s just them as themselves in another movie
and then there are actors who you’re not quite sure what they really look like
how can lawyers argue without crying
if i went into a courtroom i’d be all
now you fucking listen here you little cumslut
"he has been found guilty”
"HA IN YOUR FUCKING FACES, BITCHES."